Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Where to turn to?

I'm writing again... today's diary entry:

Aku sgt depressed! More and more factor come to precipitate the depression inside my head. Please, don't get deep into it. Aku dah nak final exam ni. Hari ni, aku jadi bingung lagi. Kenapa aku bingung? Sebab aku depressed. Kenapa aku depressed. Apa tanda2 aku bingung? Bila aku duduk sorang-sorang, and then termenung. Tak tau termenung pasal apa. Just kosong macam tu. Then tiba2 je tersedar yang aku dah termenung. Itulah tandanya aku baru lepas bingung. Mengeluh lagi, dan lagi, dan lagi. Macam mana nak hilangkan kebingungan ni? Aku nak cari kwn. Tapi bila aku fikir-fikir balik. Nak ke aku bercerita pada kawan aku tu? Selalu kata nak jumpa, nak mengadu masalah, tapi bila dah jumpa. Diam seribu bahasa. Arnz! Wake up from the dream! Tell them! Tell them what you keep. Release it. I can't. Really, I'd tried before. But the words won't come out from my mouth. Terperuk kat dalam bilik. Tengok movie? Tak kuasa aku. Mood still tak berubah. Nak berjalan? Mana je lah tempat kat kolej aku yang aku boleh pergi. Banyak limitation. Nak je aku gi jalan sorang sorang. Tapi apa boleh buat. Kat sini mana boleh buat sesuka hati. Nanti mulalah, banyak mata mata liar yang memandang, hati yang rancak berbisik, fikiran yang berpusing memikirkan kelakuan aku ni. Masyarakat masyarakat. Pedulikan lah hal masing masing. Apa aku nak buat ni !!!!!

Mana nak lari ? Mana nak release ? Mana nak jerit ? Mana nak pergi ?

Suddenly missed them


(Don't mind the rojak language and grammar mistakes)

Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Boy in a Girl

High heels?
compact powder?
furry handbag?
all the 'cutie' accessories-some with ribbon on it, pink especially?
Did these things related to me? NO! it is NOT related at all.

I'm a girl, but I don't used cosmetics.
I'm a girl, but I don't carry handbag.
I'm a girl, but I don't have any 'cutie' accessories [except for those given by friends]
I'm a girl, but I don't have high heels.

Then, you will say:
"You're not girl, you're tomboy!"

But I would say:
"I'm not a tomboy or somehow 'pengkid'. I'm a girl too, I just don't used all the girly things."
Sometimes I'm also feel like want to dress like a proper girl.
But then...
"ommo! ige anindae..."
("Oh my! This is not it!")

Rather than wearing a blouse, I prefer shirt
Instead of high heels, I prefer sneakers
Instead of handbags, I prefer schoolbag
[but someday I must dress as a woman also...*sigh]

I'm a girl, despite that...I even drive like a gangster [It's not me saying that].
That's why my bro didn't encourage me to choose Viva or Myvi.
He said I'll ruin it.

Is it my driving skill really bad?
Hah. Ignored it.
I like driving.
[maybe someday I will learn to drift]
As long as I can drive safely go and back to hostel. Enough right?

If I am about to choose a car, I'll pick sports car. I want something like this:


I love to travel.
I like to explore the world I'm living in.
But because I'm a girl, I've been restricted to do so.
Well...I'm think I'll be fine if I'm about to go travel alone.

Only from there I can see other world.
I can see others culture.
I can see people communicate in different ways.
I can be independent.
Most priceless, the experiences I gain.

I'm a girl, but I always wanted to hang out with my friends [It's wasting time though]. Sometimes get jealous over the boys.

They can go anywhere they want, hang out, chatting, laughing, release all their stress.....
ahh...jeongmal pureopda (really jealous)


But then.....Because I'm a girl

A girl are not supposed to be like that...well...Am I'm going to be like this forever...
A boy in a girl...Huh?

(please disregard any grammar mistakes)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

What have I done ???

What have I done? All these time, what have I done? This question always reflect me when something's wrong.
Suddenly I remembered this conversation.

Mr A: Do you know what's your problem?
Me: .....I don't know...
Mr A: Do you know where you done wrong?
Me: ......I don't know...
Mr A: You don't use your brain. You didn't do critical thinking. What have you learn before?
Me: ...................

I'm thinking...

"What's wrong with my brain?"
" Why it doesn't work well?"
"Did I eat something wrong?"
"Is it too many fat there? My neurons can't function well...."



Well, if I'm gonna say that I didn't read, I did read but the problem was the fact wouldn't want to stick into my head. Hey you Mr neurons! Wake up! You can't just let the fact impulse pass through your cell body. You must keep it anyhow. Moreover, it's a medical fact which is related to people health. If I give out the wrong fact, some people may die because of me. OMG! What have I done.

Still thinking on how to polish my brain. I should change my meal pattern MAYBE?


(oh yeah..don't mind the grammar mistakes)

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Rise and Shine

Rise and Shine everyone.


Starting new day with a cup of white coffee while looking out through the window where snow falling [there's no such thing in my place ok-just dreaming].

Now let get started with this malay poem:

Mencari timba si anak dara,
Di bawah sarang burung tempua;
Salam sembah pembuka bicara,
Selamat datang untuk semua.


Ah, Well...Don't have much to say. This is just where I can pour my thought in. Happy reading ^^